When moving on takes you to a promised land of healing.
Do you remember the first day we crossed paths? The way your eyes gazed into mine as our hearts simultaneously skipped a beat. That was the moment when I believed we would be together forever. I also recall the night my heart snapped in half. I swore the world had stopped moving, for my breathing had stopped too. The room felt as if it was spinning in circles because I could not catch my breath.
Why did you tell me I was different from the rest? Why did you plan a future with me? Why did you leave me standing there alone that night, as I watched as you walked away?
Do you know the feeling of rejection and heartbreak? The feeling where every joint of your body aches, where the world comes to a crashing halt. How do we lose our sense of self to the point where we forget how to function or have a purpose? How do we fall to our knees, so damn sick, all because of love?
I can not sit here and tell you your heart is not broken. I can not sit here and tell you I know how much pain you feel at this very moment. However, I can tell you I have experienced that pain and I have been there, too.
Once upon a time ago, I felt my heart tear into multiple pieces. Did I cry? Absolutely. I cried until I felt like I stopped breathing. Days became weeks and weeks became months. But, within that time frame, all I thought about was why. Why they never chose me, why they were with someone else, why I was told me they loved me and if they ever really did. What was wrong with me physically? Over and over I repeated, "what was wrong with me?"
"Are you really happy or just really comfortable? Routine does not allow us to progress in life…"
As time progressed, I spent less time analyzing myself in such a critical way and focusing more time on how I could be happier. I learned to break the chains of dependency I had with this individual and learn to live MY LIFE.
The reason many of us fall into such a situation is that we tend to "lose ourselves" in a relationship. Some of us become so absorbed into someone else and this person's happiness that we forget to take care of ourselves in the process. Your life becomes a routine with them, from the moment you wake up until the moment the night ends. We were all told that we must keep our partners feeling loved and happy. But, I realized this should not be to the point they become our essentials of "life."
You are NOT sick because of love; you are lost because your routine has changed. This broken sense of comfort makes us feel like a part of us is broken, too. The text messages, the phones calls, the days we hung out were just a routine. We are taught to love our partners and to place them on a pedestal. However, we cannot forget WE must always love ourselves FIRST.
"Make yourself WHOLE again…"
To love oneself is not any act of selfishness but the root of our eventual happiness. Our love for others should always complement the foundation of the love we have for ourselves, too. As I have written before, when two healthy people come together, they naturally stabilize the foundation of the relationship.
Why do we carry the belief that we must lose ourselves in a relationship to prove our love? Why do we believe we must be inseparable with our partners to prove our love?
Days apart do not represent a sign of weakness in a partnership. In fact, quite the opposite occurs. It draws us closer and gives us a real appreciation for the time we spend together. If you're never really apart, how do you build a foundation of trust? If you build a healthy foundation to stand on, you will see just how the strength of the relationship, in both the present and future.
"If you lose someone but find yourself, you've won…"
Once again, I cannot offer a 10-step process of healing. Everyone's situation is different. I can't stress enough that the ultimate best use of your time is to FOCUS it back on yourself. We must learn always to LOVE ourselves and FALL BACK IN LOVE with ourselves. We truly are not everyone's "cup of tea," and that's okay! One day, you will be someone's "perfect blend."
Infatuation is not healthy (and, neither is an obsession). Don't spend your time thinking of someone who no longer thinks of you. Focus on loving yourself again. We have no problem offering people in our lives this same feedback, yet we can't seem to apply it to our own experiences. Why punish ourselves? Not every relationship lasts, but the lessons learned do.
I make no false promises that I can mend your broken heart. What I know from experience is that the more I grew to love myself and became more aware of my self-worth, the easier it was to get over my break ups. I grew to realize life had so much more to offer me, regardless of a partner by my side. I will always continue to live and be happy because that is the choice I make every day.
"No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want…"
Life itself is such a beautiful thing. We can choose to make the best of our opportunities and love ourselves so that we may be that bright light in a dark world. Every experience, including our relationships, are a part of our learning journey. To achieve this wisdom, it is essential that we take these experiences and turn them growth opportunities – internalizing the lessons learned from the mistakes of our past.
"Experience is the name we give our mistakes" – Oscar Wilde
Time does not stand still for anyone, so why do you allow any broken relationship to make you "stand still" while life marches on? We all have our share of heart aches. By not moving forward and learning from our experiences, we will find the only one suffering from this is OURSELVES.
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"If you don't love yourself, you will always be chasing after people who don't love you either…"
You must learn to become selfish again, to build yourself back up, and to take time to focus on rebuilding YOU. Most importantly: you must once again fall back in love with yourself. At one point, you became all consumed in your relationship. Now is the time to be consumed within yourself. I promise that if you truly, madly, and deeply fall back in love with yourself, you will be a wealth of positive energy that attracts others who are the same mindset.
For any relationship that did not last or provide you unconditional love: "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else….". Until then, go back to focusing on you, making yourself whole again and falling in love with yourself over and over again.
Sharon Angela Lee
Sharon Angela Lee is an empowered, inspired writer from the blog, YAIMSHARON.COM. She says, "I truly believe we all have dreams, whether people believe it will happen or not, it does not matter because it all starts with YOU. We pave our paths to create our destiny and what differentiates us from the rest is we NEVER stop BELIEVING. YOU are the reason to why I wake up and continue to blog. So that we can all grow to love ourselves that much more."
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